We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
