I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
