my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
