Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
