I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize