I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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