He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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