He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
