I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
