Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
