Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
