i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well I just put wine in my tea
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
