went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
