I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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