my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
