You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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