dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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