there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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