whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
