I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
