$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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