I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
