she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
