I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize