It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
