Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
