dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
