***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
