I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She announced her abortion via fbk
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize