its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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