cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
