at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
