LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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