I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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