his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I love having hate sex.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
