its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
