i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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