there was a trapeze. enough said
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
