you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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