So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize