i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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