Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
