I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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