Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
