3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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