I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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