he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
