well I can't set my house on fire every night
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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