Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
