Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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