I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
