her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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