I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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