What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
