dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
