I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize