That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
