Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
