I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
