Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
