I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
