can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
