I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i think i just lost a toe
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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